Sunrise, sunset

It all deteriorated very quickly after this.

It all deteriorated very quickly after this.

My year at home (15 months, actually) with the boys is winding down. School is out and I have a regular teacher’s summer break to go. Sebastian is enrolled in a small variety of summer camps and classes, and Henry is still attached to me like a baby koala almost constantly and makes sad noises and desolate reaching motions if I put him down. That transition to daycare is going to be super-duper fun.

This year has been so wonderful, and yet, so bizarrely unsatisfying. I was so starry-eyed when I started this, and now those stars are burned-out, dead black holes. Staying home with little kids is HARD. Staying home with a kid like Sebastian is EXTRA-SPECIAL HARD. I am chagrined and disappointed to find that I don’t have the infinite well of patience and magnanimity I assumed I did for my young friends.

At the same time, it has been an experience I will remember fondly forever (and perhaps even more fondly with the help of the misty veil of time). It has been undeniably good for Sebastian. He has made up years — literal years — of social and communication development in the last 12 months. He is amazing. And getting to hold a baby all you want while he grows in your arms from a newborn to a toddler is pure primordial joy.

Nonetheless, I will be very glad to go back to the job I love in August, and I will be very sad to put my baby in daycare, and I will be stabbed in the heart — in a good/bad way — to see my sweet firstborn boy start kindergarten. (Via phone pix, unfortunately — his first day of school is also my first day of school. DAGNABBIT.)

So anyway, there we are. I haven’t felt like writing here much because I’ve gotten really squirrelly about the boys’ privacy, and my privacy. (Plus: Brain leaking from ears from year at home with boys.) Steve’s privacy I don’t respect at all, but unfortunately he is .06 percent funnier than I am so he should tell his own stories.


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